The "Fake" Neiman Marcus Chocolate Chip Cookie (★ ★ ★ ★ ☆)

This recipe is Ron Swanson approved.

Yes, that Ron Swanson.

Ron (bleeping) Swanson.

Pawnee's Parks and Recreation Director.

Wood worker.

Hunter.

Bacon Aficionado.

The man's man.

This may seem weird, but I find him incredibly sexy...mustache and all.  

And I HATE mustaches.  The whole hipster "trend" is horrifying to me.  

But there is just something about Ron's that is undeniably masculine.  

(I kinda like it).  Ew, I did not just say that! 

He's the kind of guy that makes you want to shoot some whiskey, puff a cigar, or pack a shotgun.

                                       

Ahhhhh, and in a bow tie no less.

Yes, this cookie would impress even him. 

Of course, he didn't tell me that personally.

But it doesn't matter that I never sent him a lovingly wrapped package of freshly baked cookies. 

Or that he didn't call me to tell me how I am the woman solely responsible for introducing him to his fourth favorite food.

I know - in my heart - he'd accept it.   Because this is a man's cookie.

Un-Fancy.

Extremely Hearty.

Perfectly Delicious.

Plain and simple...it gets the job done.  

And it gets it done well. 

There is quite the urban legend behind these cookies. 

It goes: a woman tried these at the Neiman Marcus café and fell so madly in love with them that she offered to pay for the recipe.

However, she was told that it would cost her “two-fifty.”
Unbeknownst to her, they meant $250, not the modest $2.50 she had anticipated. 

Neiman Marcus was none too sympathic to her story, so in a fit of revenge she mass emailed the world so they could benefit from her $250 mistake.  Hell hath no fury, right?

But I imagine this would leave Ron Swanson quite unimpressed.

In fact, he’d be put off by this woman’s overly dramatic display of emotion....And well, frankly, her stupidity. 

He’d be much more approving of the real story behind my making these cookies. 

I implored my friends to pass along their most beloved chocolate chip recipes, and a one –Jimmy – responded in kind. He went so far as to say that this recipe was “his baby” and “the best dessert he has ever made.”

“The working class man’s cookie”

And there you have it.

The "Fake" Neiman Marcus Chocolate Chip Cookie
Graciously bestowed to me by Jimmy and to him through Ms. Kelene 

1 Cup (2 Sticks) of Butter (room temperature)
1 Cup Granulated Sugar
1 Cup Brown Sugar
2 Eggs
1 tsp. Vanilla
2.5 Cups of Quaker Rolled Oatmeal (before blending)
2 Cups Flour
1 tsp. Baking Powder
1 tsp. Baking Soda
1/2 tsp. Salt
2 Cups (12 oz.) Chocolate Chips
4 oz. of Grated Chocolate Bar

Preheat Oven to 350F Degrees
Bake for 12-14 minutes
Makes Approx. 24 Cookies (using a golfball sized ball of dough - preferred size)
                     40 Cookies (using a tablespoon sized ball of dough)

1) In a medium sized bowl, cream butter and both sugars together.  Mixture will be very thick.
2) Add eggs and vanilla.  Beat until just combined.

3) Measure out 2.5 cups of oatmeal.  (I recommend using Quarter Oats or a brand of oatmeal with a
    softer texture.  I used Trader Joe's brand and it never seemed to cook all the way in the dough).
    Blend to a fine powder.  You can use a food processor or what
    ever you have on hand. (pssst. I used my coffee grinder.)
4) In a small bowl, mix blended oatmeal, flour, baking powder, baking soda, and salt.  Stir to combine.
5) Add the flour mixture to the sugar mixture.  Beat to combine.
6) Add in chocolate chips.

7) Add in grated chocolate.  (I tried to use a cheese grater, but the chocolate kept melting in my hand.  I 

    ended up chopping the remaining pieces as finely as I could).

8) Roll dough into golfball-sized balls and place two inches apart onto a well greased sheet. (You can 

    make these smaller, but I found this to be the best size texture-wise and had the perfect balance of 

    crisp-to-chew-to chocolate gooeyness). Place in 350F Degree oven for 10-12 minutes. Tops will be 

    cooked, but not brown.  This dough cooks to a lighter color.  Leave on baking sheet for 2-5 mins to 

    cool, then place cookies on cooling rack. 

9) This dough does not need to be refrigerated overnight first.  It actually gets very hard in the fridge.  If 

    you do have leftover dough, just let it sit out on the counter for a few minutes before cooking again. 

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Review: Are these the best chocolate chip cookies in the world?  I don’t know. 

But they are darn good.  And the dough is literally the best tasting dough I’ve ever had in a chocolate chip cookie.  The ground oatmeal gives them an UNBELIEVABLE flavor!

They are crispy on the outside and perfectly gooey in the middle. 

My only issue with them is that they lose their exquisite texture overnight.  These are definitely bake’em and eat’em cookies.  And you have to get the right oatmeal brand.  I used Trader Joe’s and even though I blended them to a pulp, I could still taste the hard, uncooked (microscopic, mind you) flecks of oatmeal.  Next time, I’ll use Quaker Oats and see if that solves my problem. 

Notice, how I said next time?  Meaning, I’ll make these again? 

Ya, that’s pretty rare. 
Actually, I’ve already made these twice in the past week. 
And if that doesn’t say something about these -  I don’t know what will. 

For the working man, woman, child,

And mustached Ron's of the world,

This is for you.

 These were featured June 2013: