All American Cake (★ ★ ★ ☆ ☆)

I love America. 

We have Oreos,

Disney,

iPods,

and Sally Fields.  

Oh, Sally.  

The woman is notorious for playing a bad-a mom.  Seriously dudes, you do not want to cross this chick.  

I've been on a Sally kick for the past few weeks and on Sunday I settled in to watch "Not Without My Daughter."  Have you ever watched a movie that made you feel like you were in a locked sauna?  Basically, you want to punch someone, but are too busy trying to breathe and maintain the fetal position.

Ya, it was intense. 

I feel like it is my duty then, to offer some guidelines: 1) Do not watch this movie if you have a pre-existing fear of travel.  2) Skip it, if having an irrational desire to request proof of U.S. Citizenship from all potential dates seems extreme.  3) And above all, do not watch this right before bed unless relentless, tortured dreams are your cup of tea.  

Did I mention, I LOVE America?  

No, being scarred by that movie is not the reason I made this cake.  It just makes me wish I had a piece left because, in this instance, eating my feelings with the help of some cake in all its American pride and glory seems like the only logical thing to do.

...

So July 4th.

It's a pretty big day in our house.  The birthday of our great country and the birthday of the best brother in the whole world! (<----- test to see if he "really" reads my blog ;)

What about this scenario doesn't scream - "Needed: Cake of Epic Proportions" ?? !? !!!?!

Only one could fit the bill: All American Cake.

From the moment I laid eyes on this cake it was like we were meant for each other.  5 Layers.  Plain outside...flag marvel-fantasticness on the inside.  I LOVE secret details like this.  And to top it all off, this blog couldn't stop raving about how "easy" it was.

Well I'm here to tell you that "easy" is too flippant a word.

After
1) Baking for hours on end because...for the sake of cake consistency...I only baked one layer in the oven at a time.
2) Trying to make white and dark chocolate ganache using candy melts all the while not realizing that the almond bark that you are not supposed to use is in fact the same thing.
3) Whipping up a chocolate buttercream at literally the very last second (people were killing time by watching Storage Wars while I kept proclaiming - "the cake is almost ready!").
4) Actually, physically frosting the monstrosity.

...After all that, I would like to offer a more appropriate word: Involved.

Sure, it doesn't take a genius, but don't make any other plans cause you be stayin' in for the night.

You need a large round cookie cutter to create the blue and white/red layers.  I used the second to largest ring in this package I picked up from Michaels.

These layers weren't that difficult to make at all.  You just place the ring in the middle of your cake pan and pour blue batter on the outside and red/white in the cookie cutter.  Then carefully lift straight up!

The outer edges of these layers got the most discolored from baking.  I had to slice off a thin top layer to get this picture.

For a "truer" blue color, I would suggest purchasing one of those Wilton concentrated colors you can get at craft stores.  I have food gel which is supposed to work a lot better than the drops, but I put a ton of coloring into this blue batter and it still didn't come out rich enough.

What I thought was going to be my white and dark chocolate ganache.  The picture before the storm.

Learn from my misfortune: Candy melts (i.e. almond bark) do not make ganache.  They make a grainy, soupy sauce.

I was able to use the white chocolate one for my layers.  I just spread the thinnest amount possible.  But the dark chocolate one was unsalvageable.

The makings of a grand cake.

For the frosting I went with this Chocolate Buttercream recipe.  I used about a 1/2 cup less of the powdered sugar because I hate sticky sweet frosting.

Ahhhhhhh!

It worked!  It worked!  It really worked!

After all the time I spent and the last minute changes I had to make, I was a little wary that this "project" would turn out like my Cake Pops - total disaster.

But after making those first slices and carefully removing a massive chunk, I couldn't wipe off the big fat grin that found its way to my face.

God Bless America. 

Fail: Red, White, & Blue - Cake In A Jar (★ ★ ☆ ☆ ☆)

Oh, the creative ideas you find on the web.  They're so adorable.  So simple.  

That's pure genius!  Why didn't I think of that myself?

And yet so often I find myself piled high in flour, hair disheveled, cursing the very mind I just idolized...the Betty Homemaker who is incapable of anything but perfection...while I dump yet another "experiment" in the garbage.  

Well, this week I had one of those days.  

Don't let this picture fool you.  This is a fail post remember?

Cake In A Jar.  Sounds intriguing, right?  I found out about this idea after following a trail of Pinterest recipes -- funny how those things work out. 

I couldn't believe I hadn't heard of this sooner.  Suddenly fragile baked goods were portable.

Rainbow Cake. S'more Cake. Lemon Meringue Pie Cake.  All conveniently packaged in their own individual jar.  (Okay that last one I made up, but if you were a real Betty Homemaker you could find a way to whip up a pie/cake combo!)

I had to do it.  And Memorial Day was just the occasion I needed.  

It was all planned out.  The red, white, and blue layers.  The quart sized jars for the gloriously large servings.  And the pièce de résistance...a Marine to send one to.

Oh, the patriotism!  (This same Marine heinously charged me with exploitation and I took great offense.  But that is besides the point.)

I wanted to make each layer a distinct flavor:

Red Layer: Red Velvet Cake
White Layer: Golden Vanilla Cake.
Blue Layer: Blueberry Cake (white cake with strained blueberry pie filling, and blue gel food color)

I must say, the flavors were great.  Especially, the blueberry.  Very unique.  

Alas, that's where the happy part of this post ends...

Little did I know that my trouble actually began weeks before, when I was enticed by the quart sized mason jars at Ace Hardware.  They were so glisten-y and voluptuous.   Who wants a pint, when you can have the pleasure of digging into a mound of delicious cake?  You don't have to finish it...just having the option is reason enough.

These are the things I think about, guys.

Well, I should've thought a little harder.  The recipe I used had instructions for cakes half this size.  I figured I would just cook them longer.

Wrong.

The outside and tops were overcooked before the red velvet layer had even begun to set.

I tried to compensate for this by lowering the temperature and increasing the time on the oven.  After an hour, the kabob skewer I was using to test the cakes came up relatively clean.  It wasn't perfect, but I was so worried about the tops (they were almost crunchy...and overflowing) that I made an executive decision to take them out and hope the very bottom layer would continue to cook a little longer.

As you can deduce from the second picture in this post, it seemed like I had made the right decision.  I assumed the cakes would settle back into the jars as they cooled and I could just slice off what little of the tops were still protruding out.

Thinking of nothing but sunbeams and butterflies, I left for the day.

What I found when I returned were pathetic, deflated versions of the cakes I had made.

Apparently, what I considered "cooked" clearly wasn't.

They could've used at least another half hour in the oven, but at grave risk to the blueberry layer.

Epic Fail.

What little I was able to taste was SUPER moist.  Too moist, if that's a legitimate problem for a cake to have.  The undercooked batter probably didn't help this situation much.  No frosting needed.

It's frustrating that these didn't work out.  They have so much potential.  I know what I can improve upon for the next time, but getting past all this wasted effort and wanting to try again is going to take some time.

Insert situation appropriate idiom here:

• Don't bite off more than you can chew.
• If at first you don't succeed, try, try again.
• Don't cry over spilled milk.
• Gluttony is one of the seven deadly sins

Feel free to message me with suggestions.

---

And Happy Memorial Day!  I am so grateful for all the men and women who were willing to give up time with their families, the luxury of an unregulated lifestyle and, ultimately, their lives for me and for you...for us.

Vampires! And Werewolves! Oh, ya! (★ ★ ★ ☆ ☆)

I can't believe it's only been a little over a year since my obsession with Twilight began. I don't even like vampires. I'm a princess-loving, dress twirling kinda girl. But there was just something about the trailer that one fateful day, that spoke to me and made me feel like, "this is different. this is big. see this."

Obviously, it wasn't a huge feeling because I totally forgot all about it. I only ended up renting it because no one else was home one night and I had a spare dollar for the Redbox. Even then I wasn't really affected. It wasn't until my sister convinced me to read the books that the infection began to germinate and take hold. And I can honestly say, I've never been the same.

I work at a church and people generally like me, so I have access to a whole mess of cool stuff that normal people have to rent. Last summer I had my heart set on setting up a projector and screen in my backyard to watch movies...and once the vision is cast in my mind it's hard to stop me from trying everything I can to make it happen. I intended to use it for a week, but ended up planning all kinds of movie nights and facebook inviting everyone I knew...all summer long.

Well with this type of movie-watchege going on, it was inevitable that I would have a Twilight movie night. But it had to be different than the others. I couldn't just throw some chairs on the lawn and wait for it to get dark enough--at exactly 8:49pm--to start the movie. No. This was special. And I wanted to give it the attention it deserved.

At the suggestion of my best friend Marina (who at the time was just a girl who liked Twilight), I endeavored to find out how to make "Vampire Cupcakes." Being as I was uneducated in the workings of the "undead", let alone making treats worthy of them, I relied on Marina's emotional support alot. I guess you could say it was Twilight that first brought us together. :)

I found all kinds of different recipes: some with toy vampire teeth, some with cherry pie filling... But all these seemed too gruesome. I mean, it's a movie about so-called "vegetarian" vampires who are against violence. Plus, I generally like my cupcakes to taste good (I understand not everyone feels the same way). But I'm not really down with a cupcake that oozes gross, syrupy, fake cherry glop.

Soooooo, I decided to stick with simple chocolate cupcakes (made from a box of course) and cream cheese frosting (it's the only kind I can stand from a can...it's not super sweet). For the decoration we decided to go with the classic and eerie "bite."


After making the cupcakes, I was still a little apprehensive about how to get the bite marks to look real without destroying the cupcake with an over-zealous poke or red smear. We decided to put a drop of gel into each hole...but it was Marina's genius to have just one, spine-tingling blood-red drip falling from the bite mark.
We bought red decorating gel from the supermarket. It's pretty easy to use and doesn't run. With Marina manning the blood, I took charge of the bites. I found that the perfect sized holes came from using a meat thermometer. It was easy to handle...no, accidentally losing it in the cupcake (i.e. the curse of the toothpick). An added plus--it was just the perfect size for the red gel.

I was really impressed with how they turned out and they were delicious...I ate at least 3. This was one of my first attempts at cupcakes in general so I was a little worried, but they were super easy. It was actually these cupcakes that helped reinvigorate my love for baking. I'll take any excuse to try something different and challenging now.
Recap:

• 1 Chocolate Cake Box Mix (make according to instructions)
• 1 Container of Cream Cheese frosting
• 1 Tube of Red Decorating Gel
• 1 Meat Thermometer (or a kebab stick would've worked just as well)

P.S. I ALWAYS use cupcake liners...it saves so much time and it's less messy.
If you'd like to try the blood-filled cupcakes, here is where I got my inspiration: Vampire Cupcakes